Daddy.

If one ever asked me how is it going on between my relationship with my family, I would not have any words in dictionaries to tell you about it.

It is pretty sad that actually my dad it is an alcoholic.  A day without alcohol, might feel as hell to him. I admit it, everyone knows.  Not more than I ever wanted is to sit with me, have a sip of coffee and ask me, "How are you my daughter?". I dream of that perfect situation. Well you know, like those in movies or cartoons?

I know. You might say that it is normal. And how normal it is to feel awkward to hug your own dad, and feel safe?  Just when you are down, you don't have any best friends, or even if you have one and you just need your dad, how does it feel?

I often cried in my prayer. I asked God, why me? I'm envy of those who have supportive parents. Asking, laughing, make jokes, sharing stories and lots more fun moment together. I wish I can have that. I waited one whole day for his call, or even a minute of conversation how cruel life is to me. I keep on waiting, I never give up hope, even until now. I know, there is miracle if he happened to call me, or reply any of my texts. How joyful I can be. I would cry tears of happiness if it is going to happen.

Again, I am strong for this! I can't be that weak. At least I got parents, when those pitiful orphans don't. I am grateful for that. :') But you know, the feeling or sense of belonging is just too far away from me. I want that happiness.

Still, I can fake my laughs, my smile, my happiness. At least I can make my friends laugh of any stupid jokes that I made. I create my own rainbow. Though it is not that clear from far, but at least one will notice it.

I will be strong and keep my faith. I love you dad. :')