hai sayang !
ConfidentIsBeauty: Heart throbs.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Heart throbs.

And so, I just don't know where to start. My heart throbs in pain. Crying in silence when no one knows. Acting as it is tough, when the fact that it falls into pieces. Am I sad? Or am I glad that whole thing is already over? You can find both in me.

I am sad because I have put my effort to build the 1 year relationship, but I am glad, that if it is the way that he wants to end this relationship will make him happy. I have not been eating for 1 day and half. Yes. I don't feel hungry at all. I forgot that I actually need to eat to stay alive. Yes. This whole fucking things make me somehow feel like a zombie, roaming around heartlessly. Physically there in reality, but my soul has gone away trying to seek for peace that I'd lose.

Am I frustrated? Yes I am. My mind is already occupied with so much things. Most of it, is about him. His laugh. His smell. Everything. It kills me slowly. Like a cancer.

Did I cried? No. Not until today. A girl that acts everything is fine finally spilled her tears over something that is not worth it. A girl that shows her strength collapses against her will. Its not easy. Not easy.

Lots of you may say, "you'll meet your another guy soon", but for me.. This shit hurts hell a lot. I played guitar, I workout just to get him out of my mind. Just to make sure that I won't remember him. But you know what.. The break up was easy. But the memories that linger hurt fucking a lot. How I wish I can forget him that easy.

And all I heard is, "time gonna heal you". Yes, it may heal. But for me, it will be forever. Now tell me, where should I go now?

And how blind I am to see that my friends are there supporting me. Hildah, Acylene, Azleena. IF I have that Death Note book, I'll write his name; for him to disappear forever. So I could actually forget who is he, and how the hell I ended up with him. But nah.. I'll let him alive too. Because for things that he did, he will be for sure to pay for the price too. I believe in karma.

How am I feeling now? I feel all numb. I don't know which is which. 3 microteachings to be done, 1 story telling, 3 assignments to be submitted, camping. Final exam. Too much. Hell too much for me to handle. Nevermind, God knows the best for me. Things may not fits perfectly now, but there will sure be a better tomorrow. Amen.

Hush now lil' girl. Everything gona be good. :')

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